Hello! Thank you for joining me in this series of examining old beliefs that are given about how a relationship with your partner should be. We are looking at some of the beliefs that have been given to us as young people. Let me say to you that this does not mean that those who gave you these beliefs are bad. The point is that you have a choice to decide whether or not you want to adopt these beliefs. The list in this series can be found on Page 31 of my book, Get Out of the Box and Into Play. This week’s blog is concentrated on the following statement:
Married couples should spend all of their time together.
If you and your partner are spending all of your free time together and not enriching your lives with friendships outside of your relationship then there could be a serious problem. That problem may not occur right away but eventually it will. We all have a human need for more than one kind of relationship. We have relationships with our children, parents and co-workers. Just as important are the friendships that we have. Friends are so important! Our good friends are our sounding board and the ones that tell us the truth…even when we may not want to hear it. If you do not have a friend like this in your life then it is time for self examination.
I know a couple that is having difficulties. Both of them gave up their friendships. All of their free time is either spent with their children or each other. How did this happen? When they first married, they did want to spend all of their time together. He made excuses to his friends and so did she. Their friends stopped expecting them to be available and before they knew it, their friends were gone. So it happened that the two of them had no outside relationships and no one to talk to about their frustrations. They stopped talking to each other and the resentments built up over time. Their relationship didn’t survive this. What do you want for your relationship?
When my husband and I first started dating, he had a Saturday date with his friends. They got together, ate lunch and smoked a cigar together. My husband was concerned when we first married that I would expect that to stop. He expressed his fear. I told him then and have held steadfast to this, “I am so elated that you have friends that you spend time with! I do not ever want to interfere with that in your life because that makes you happy!”
Married couples should have outside friendships and should not spend all of their free time together!
Well rounded couples make for a great relationship. Make the time to ensure that your partner has valuable time with their friends!
Many Blessings!
Kari Petruch
Master Relationship Coach