My dear husband Ray had lived alone for many years. He was used to his life being a certain way. When I came into his life and his world, he wanted to make sure that I understood that he could take care of himself perfectly fine. He went on to explain that he could do his own chores and that doing chores for him was not why he married me. I just smiled.
I started with making coffee every morning. He told me that he didn’t need me to do that for him. I smiled and said, “Well…I am making coffee for myself so why not make enough for you too?” He never said another word about the coffee. This went on for a while and I asked him for his dirty clothes. He got frustrated and explained to me that I was not his servant and that he was perfectly capable of doing his own laundry. I then said, “Well I am doing laundry anyway and I would like to run a full load to save on water and energy.” (BTW, this girls favorite chore is laundry!) He learned to accept my gift.
Make no mistake, I have had the same issues. Ray insisted on keeping his housekeeper. I balked at this and said that I could clean the house myself. He remarked back to me that she had been with him for ten years. Then he asked me if I really liked mopping the floors and doing the dusting. I never said another word about that. To my amazement, she and I have become good friends and I wouldn’t give up that relationship for the world.
I understand that this is a simple story to tell you but it needs to be. Asking for and accepting help from the person who loves you is a special gift. Know that your partner wants to see you smiling and laughing. Don’t let your pride get in the way of your partner giving you their gifts of love.
Your humble servant,
Master Relationship Coach