This is one of the toughest topics I have ever written about. Sometimes in a relationship there are feelings like this. This is a point of exasperation. When a couple does not have the answers to this or strategies and tools to make their relationship work, then sometimes they are caught up in these three negative feelings. Couples sometimes find themselves asking whether or not they should have engaged in a relationship with their partner at all. Sometimes friends encourage this negative thinking.
Let’s look at each of these:
Disgusted:
What is it that disgusts you? Have you taken the steps to tell your partner in a kind and loving way that you are disgusted? Maybe you don’t want to use that word. Maybe your phrase is, “That really grosses me out!” Whatever your words are, it is important that you express your true feelings. There are things that your partner may do that really bother you. If you hold this in then the result is resentment. Resentment is just pinned up anger. Resentment is an intimacy divider. Freedom to speak your mind in a relationship is so important. You do not always have to like or accept the response to speaking your mind but holding it in will cause much more damage to you and your relationship in the long run.
Disillusioned:
So many couples come to me with this primary complaint. “He doesn’t do the things he used to when we were dating!” OR “She doesn’t treat me the same way as when we were dating!” So whose is at fault? Both of you. This is the person that the two of you say that you want to spend the rest of your life with and you forget the honor part. Let me ask you these questions:
When did you stop buying flowers and opening the door for her?
When did you stop making yourself lovely for him when he comes home?
When did you decide that work, kids, or money were more important than conversation?
Before you decide that you are disillusioned, take your part and make a change. You two are the most important people in your lives. Honor each other. Cherish each other.
Disheartened:
This is about resignation and giving up. Do you love your partner? If you do then you do not give up. Yes, there are certain circumstances where there must be an end. Have you explored every avenue of repair? Have you decided to give up without fighting for your love? Believe me when I tell you that the grass is not greener and divorce is like ripping a part of your soul away. Do whatever you are able to rekindle that love and give that love a fighting chance!
All honor and love,
Master Relationship Coach
Kari Petruch