You should….You shouldn’t….Bull! If you are doing this to each other as a couple, STOP IT NOW! Should is about control. What are you trying to convey when you tell your loved one that they should or should not have done anything. Remember that the statement of should is sitting in judgment of your loved one. We are all humans and have errors in judgment. Here is another thought. Just because you believe that this was an error does not mean that there is an error. Wow! Think about that for just a few moments. I know that this can be a difficult thought when you feel so strongly about the fact that your partner made a decision that you do not agree with.
A great picture of how I view this can be seen here:
If I had not had the experiences of my childhood, then I would not have made the choice I did for marriage.
If not for that marriage, I would not have the children that I do.
If not for the children I have, then I would not have the grandchildren that I do.
If not for the divorce from a bad marriage, I would not have hoped for a different and wonderful husband.
If not for that hope, I would not have had the incredible relationship with the husband that I have now.
If not for that amazing relationship, I would not have become the coach that I am today.
I tell you that all experiences in your life will lead you to your next experience. There is no such thing as “should or shouldn’t” Everything in your life is as it should be. All of your experiences lead to something. You are amazing! My hope for all of you is that you understand that all that you are and all that you experience is for one ultimate purpose. What is that purpose?
Your highest intent is to help one another. That is the pinnacle of life. How do you help your loved one? How do you give and receive in a loving way without judgment? What can you do to enhance your loved one’s life or those around you? Making decisions about what your loved one should have done or shouldn’t have done is really a moot point. The action has taken place regardless of what you think was appropriate. How can you support your loved one? What are the consequences of your loved one’s decision? You are there to be a help mate. You are the power to love. Use this power!
Master Relationship Coach
Kari Petruch