Are You Angry? Write It Down!

My father was a businessman. He is retired now. When he was working he traveled a great deal and had many interactions with many different kinds of people from many different upbringings. In my lifetime he has given me bits of wisdom that I have adopted and have served me well. The one that I want to share today is a universal truth.

When I was a teenager, I came home from school and I was really angry at a girl at school because I felt that she had said some really mean things to me. I got my pen and paper and decided to write her a letter about how mad she made me. That letter ended up being six pages long. I discovered that I had been angry at her for a very long time.

I was proud that I wrote such a letter. I gave the letter to my father and told him that I was going to give it to her the very next day. He took the letter and read it. Then, while looking over his glasses at me, (usually an indication that I was about to learn a lesson) he said, “Hmm, I tell you what. Why don’t you take this letter and put it into your drawer for 24 hours? Then, take it out and read it aloud to yourself. If you still feel that way then put it back in your drawer for 3 more days. After that 3 days, take this letter out once more. I promise you that you will either tear up this letter or you will give it to her. Let’s see what happens. Okay?” I was now mad at my dad. My respect for him was so immense that I did what he said.

I took that letter out of my drawer and read it. I thought well, maybe I will write it again. I was pretty harsh. This was not part of the instruction and I was good at following instructions. I put the letter back because I still felt that way. Three days later, I took the letter out of my drawer and read it again. I wasn’t angry anymore and I certainly wasn’t going to give that to her. I tore up the letter and threw it away. After a week, my father asked me about that letter. I told him what I did with the letter and I told him that it was really strange that I didn’t seem bothered by her at all anymore. My father smiled and said, “Thank you for playing the game. You win! Now do this for the rest of your life and you will always experience the magic of forgiveness!”

This magic that my father gave to me is one of the most precious gifts he could have ever given. I give it to you now. As a couple, instead of deciding that yelling and screaming are a good idea, write it down. Write all of that anger and frustration. Write that sadness and confusion.…up.

You have the power to make your relationship into the most joyful and fulfilling relationship ever!

Master Relationship Coach
Kari Petruch