Jealousy as with anger is completely about your fear of losing what you believe you have. Jealousy is about your belief that you own someone or something or that you should own someone or something. Read that again. Jealousy is divisive and interferes with true intimacy. If you have a serious problem with jealousy, then I suggest that you seek professional help. If you are in a serious relationship with someone who has a serious problem with jealousy, then I also suggest that you seek professional help.
For the rest of the world…all people have jealousy at some level occasionally in our lives. It is what we do with those feelings that can make or break a relationship. The difference between telling your partner that you are feeling a little jealous and getting into a fight because someone looked at your beautiful partner is immense. It’s all about trust.
When Ray and I started dating, he told me that on Saturday afternoons, he and his friends go to lunch together and then go and smoke a cigar. My thought was that it was so cool that he had friends. Ray wasn’t really sure about how I would feel about that after we got married. By then, I knew his friends and loved them too! One day soon after we married, Ray saw that I was frustrated about getting some things done. He offered to stay home from his weekly outing. At this pivotal moment, I could have said yes. I could have been jealous of his time with his friends and I could have taken advantage of the opportunity. I did not. I looked at my wonderful man, gave him a kiss and said, “I love you, I love your friends, and I love that you have time with your friends. I don’t want you to give that up unless we are on a trip together. If we are home, you do you.” I have kept this time that he spends with his friends sacred. These days it’s just two of them… Ray and his best friend Joe.
That story is so important because his mental and emotional well-being helps us to be better us. His time with his friend makes him happier and that is what I always want. Sometimes when people are in a serious relationship, they forget that their partner needs other people in their lives. If this is happening in your relationship, please remember that time with a friend helps your partner to be better with you. Friendships don’t take away from a healthy relationship. Friendships enhance your relationship.
You and your partner can become more intimate by encouraging friendships! You have the power to let go and trust.
Master Relationship Coach Kari Petruch
Phone: +1 512-593-0524