Today was a day of mishaps. There was a task that I wanted to accomplish and I needed some better tools with which to accomplish this task. I purchased great equipment just for this project. The tools sat for weeks until I was ready to use them. Today came and I pulled the tools out of the boxes. I thought to myself that this should be so aeasy. The instructions are right here. Well. It didn’t turn out to be so easy.
Many years ago, I learned that asking for help was wasted breath. When I would ask, the people that I asked would make up excuses as to why they couldn’t help or they would promise to help and I would wait. I heard the old adage that, “If you want something done right, then do it yourself.” So I stopped asking for myself. Whenever someone asked me for help I would do my best to give. I adopted the belief that others’ needs should come first. That my needs were not as important.
This inability to trust others to help me became so powerful that I became paralyzed when I actually needed help. So paralyzed that when others could see that I clearly needed a hand I would still claim that I could or would get the task accomplished. So how does that affect your relationship with your partner?
When I married the love of my life, that lingering independence found its way into our relationship. I was so sure that if I asked for help that there would be some kind of consequence. There was so much negative energy around asking for help that I made myself miserable.
One day, my husband was really frustrated with me. I was complaining about something being really difficult for me to do. He offered help and I declined. What he said to me set me on a path of change. He said that helping me was a way that he felt needed and the fact that I refused to let him help really upset him. Wow. I had never considered that I was turning away his gift and that I was not grateful for the offer.
I set out on a mission to change that. It took me some time and the results were clear today. I spent time checking and re-checking what I had done to make the tools work that I needed. Finally, I threw my hands up in the air and walked away. My husband asked me what was wrong and I told him. He asked me if he could help. My answer today was YES! He walked in and within a few minutes found the problem and helped me. I was grinning from ear to ear. I was so excited. My husband looked at me with so much pride and said that he was really glad he could help! I laughed a little and said thank you and I am also glad I asked!
You are the only two people in your relationship that hold the key to your happiness. Take those steps to improve your communication with each other. Ask for help when you need it! Give help when you can!
Master Relationship Coach Kari Petruch
Phone: +1 512-593-0524