This is an old story but still relevant to relationships today. It is the story of complaining. Have you said comments like these?
She never has time for me.
She is always shopping.
He just leaves me with the kids and goes fishing.
All he wants to do is play games and watch TV when he gets home.
She never takes any interest in what I want to do.
All she thinks about is the kids.
These are all complaints and serve only you. The truth is that if you are feeling this way only you can do something about it. Complaining only helps to divide you and create resentments towards each other. Here is where the listening will benefit both of you.
When you two first started your relationship, you were both open and excited about the person that you were getting to know. You may have both pretended to be interested in the passions or hobbies of each other. After a while, a relationship built on this type of foundation begins to slide in a negative direction. So what to do?
We will use a fishing story for an example:
When Joe and Mary first started dating, Mary listened to Joe talk about his love for fishing. Mary didn’t care for fishing but liked Joe so much. They both fell in love. Joe would go away for a weekend now and again to go fishing. Since Joe and Mary were not yet married, Mary didn’t feel that she had any say in that. She kept quiet. Joe and Mary did get married. After a few months, Joe wanted to go on a fishing trip. Mary protested a little but finally agreed. After five years of marriage, Joe and Mary were parents to two young children. Mary now protested Joe’s fishing trips so much that Joe stopped going fishing for a while. Joe was sad that he wasn’t able to enjoy his favorite activity. When the children got a little older, Joe insisted that he would go fishing and that he didn’t care if Mary wanted him to or not. As you can imagine, the resentments began to get pretty serious!
Okay, so you cannot go back and correct what has happened so where do you go from here?
First, Mary could actually learn about fishing so that she can have a conversation with her husband about his favorite activity. She could even have a hand in telling him about the best places for fishing. Joe in return could learn about Mary’s favorite hobby of painting furniture and also could find great places for her to find old furniture to repaint creatively. Mary could also be trusting and make a compromise with her husband. Joe could go fishing for a Saturday and Mary could paint all day on another Saturday. This is the beauty of a fabulous relationship!
Please remember that your partner’s life needs to include the activities that they are interested in as well as your family life. This makes for a much happier relationship. You have your life. Your partner has their life. You have a life together. You have a family together. Make time for balance and all of this will make for a happier home!
The Relationship Reigniter
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