Anger is a necessary emotion. What? Yes it is. All emotions are necessary. It is not that you feel the emotion of anger, but what your actions and behavior are when you experience this emotion. You may ask why we need this emotion…or you may already know why. Anger is a survival emotion. We need anger to help us when we are in true danger. Anger gets your adrenaline moving so that you can protect yourself or someone you love. Remember that all emotions come down to Love and Fear. Anger is in the fear category. If you remember nothing else about anger..know this. When we are angry at someone or something it is because we are afraid of not getting what we want or we are afraid of losing something that we already have. Read that again and let it sink in.
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”-Lawrence J. Peter. So then what are some of the skills to manage the emotion of anger? There are many tools available and here are three of the ones I use.
First, when I really want to tell someone how angry I am with what they said or did, I write a letter. I say everything in that letter that I think I need to say at that moment. (Write it on paper) I then fold up that letter and put it away for 24 hours. After that time period, I read that nasty little letter. I have never felt the same way just one day later. I suggest to you that if you still feel that way, to put that letter away for two more days. I promise you that at least 99% of the time, you will not send that letter. After tearing up that letter, I ask (God, Spirit, etc) to give me the spirit of love so that I can forgive that person and myself.
Second, I give myself permission to remove myself from the situation. I will at any given moment stop the argument and say, “I need a time-out!” The people that know and love me know that this is best for me and for them. Just 5 minutes will help me enough to see what my part is. This works for me and seems to help the other person.
Lastly, you know that moment when you realize that you are in the wrong but you don’t want to admit that? Please know that you can stop and admit you are wrong at any time. That very act produces incredible results. Those words have more power than an apology ever could.
Joy and Spiritual Peace to all of you!