There are two primary human fears. The first fear is that if we fail at doing something, we won’t be enough. The second fear is that we won’t be loved. Whenever you fail to take action, it is usually because of one of these two fears. In order to understand how to change our reactions to these fears it is necessary that we understand the two basic forms of “problems”. Let us first talk about Quality Problems.
Quality Problems involve a risky, forward thinking decision that will often take you to another stage of your life. Examples of these types of problems are:
- Making a career shift
- Committing to a relationship
- Starting a family
- Leaving a relationship
- Interpersonal communication
- Asking someone for help
These types of problems cause stress in your life. These stresses are ordinary stresses that many people successfully negotiate or overcome. These issues are not usually lifelong.
The second type of problems are Safe Problems. Safe problems are lingering issues which usually lie within our control. Examples of these types of problems are:
- Food and other addictions
- Blaming others for your own troubles
- Avoiding decisions
- Withdrawing from relationships
Safe Problems seem safe because they seem to protect us you from the fear that if you try and fail that you won’t be enough and that you won’t be loved. It is these safe problems that cause more damage to your body, spirit, and relationships than any other risky problems ever do. When people come up against a risky decision that they feel unwilling to make, they will often develop a safe problem that will distract them from making a risky decision.
The use of safe problems helps people to avoid uncertainty. Remember, uncertainty is essential to our well-being. Ask yourself:
- What do you do with your focus in order to feel certain?
- Do you focus on your future or your past?
- What language patterns are you using?
- Do you have an empowering belief?
I will leave you with two important thoughts:
The more uncertainty you can live with-the more you will try. The more you try-the more alive and alert you will be.
If you knew what was going to happen every moment of your life, you would be bored silly!